only in peru would you...

pack a swimsuit and mittens for the same outing

watch a drunk man, who has visibly shat his pants, dance in a field at 10 am

get to look at the Andes on your way to work each morning

be called a gringa and not be offended

drink moonshine on the job because it would be rude not to

cram 12 people into a car meant for 6...for an hour-long journey

eat as soon as your food arrives even if no one else at the table has food yet

drink chicha, preferably out of a makeshift cup that you have fashioned by sawing the end off a soda bottle you found in the bushes

enjoy a delicious pisco sour

wear a wool hat to do back-breaking work under the blazing sun

haggle with an old woman, in Spanish, in the middle of the night to try and get the key to your hotel room

enjoy happy hour from 10-11 pm (and quadruple fist the drinks)

have your afternoon's work interrupted because the cows have come home, literally, except the cows are bulls and they want you out of their yard

be awakened at 5:55 am each day by donkeys

have your bunkmate fall on you at 4 am because the bed slats aren't nailed in

go paragliding over the Sacred Valley

take twenty minutes to type a three-sentence email because you can't figure out the darn keyboard

get really, really excited over successfully obtaining directions to the local Farmacia and being able to ask for Kleenex, chapstick, and antihistamines at said pharmacy

gaze at the Milky Way each night while you brush your teeth outside at the community sink

have sheep bleat at you while answering nature's call

be astounded (and touched) when the rowdy 12-year old boy in the class you're teaching asks to learn the Hail Mary in English

enjoy a solid three hours of sleep in the Lima airport thanks to the blanket and eyeshade you snagged from Delta

watch a man carry nine mattresses at one time, which his buddies have strapped to his back

marvel over the sheer amount of stray dogs

ask to use someone's restroom only to be invited to pee in the corner of their yard while two cats, an inquisitive chicken, and a barking dog watch

attempt unsuccessfully to herd a pile of unruly donkeys, pigs and sheep home then watch as a 13-year old girl does it effortlessly with a very small stick

go to bed at 9:30 pm because hey man, the sun goes down at 5:15

break your stepbrother's unbreakable water bottle

have a yankee doodle band start up outside your window at 7:15 am

teach a bunch of 13 year olds a song that includes the lyrics "i like to eat, eat, eat sheep and guinea pig"

gain weight because you get fabulous food like curry, stir fry, fajitas, and pancakes cooked for you daily

order a family sized pizza for two girls to share while the waitress snickers at you

spend two hours in a sheer panic because you accidentally snorted water up your nose at the swimming pool

drink Coco tea to kill the blinding altitude headache

have a duck and guinea pig killed in your honor, while you're eating breakfast next to the slaughter scene

dance a very long seven minute dance at your welcome ceremony while 30 other people stare at you

be considered a "translator" even though you only understand every third word that is coming out of your boss' mouth

think you finally have the hang of the language, only to realize your boss has switched from speaking Spanish to Quechua

try to cure a hangover with ceviche

enjoy a toasty, Fanny, and Horniman's Anis for breakfast

Man. I miss Peru.